Missed the first parts of Conner’s story? Catch up with them below:
Leaning into the fall of my senior year, I was swamped with commitments: senior assistant editor of the yearbook staff, theatre and drama club, choir, and a decent load of AP classes. We all still frequented the Music Pit as much as our time would allow, and the typical teenager in me yearned for yet another commitment despite my already brimming schedule: The Boyfriend.
Aurora had learned that Conner and his girlfriend had split up, but I didn’t rejoice in this like I would have over the summer.
“Why aren’t you freaking out?!” Erin asked accusingly after the information was presented to me. She was sitting next to me in my car as I drove, obviously expecting a spaz attack, and I was letting her down.
“I just don’t want to get my hopes up,” I told her. “If he’s single now but ends up going out with someone else, I’m going to be disappointed again.” She looked at me empathetically.
“Oh,” she said. “That makes sense.”
“If I don’t expect anything, I can’t fall as hard and get hurt,” I said, more to talk myself down than to explain it to her. It was easy for me to say because I was so distracted with everything I had going on, but I was happy; I was just burying it. Erin couldn’t see the huge smile I was trying not to let escape. Everything I told her was true, though. I was happy he was available again, but I was also dejected. I was expecting him to look right over me and go out with some other pretty girl like he had before, and when that happened, I would just feel incredibly dumb and sad. Again.
Conner had started to call me from time to time just to ask me quick questions or to talk for a few minutes, and although I was always elated when he called, he never gave any hint of wanting something more, so I stayed as detached as possible.
“Dang, you’re pimpin’ out all these guys.”
The smooth voice of my best male friend from South Carolina taunted me over the phone. I had just caught him up about meeting Mike at the Music Pit.
“I just told you about one guy,” I corrected him, walking around my room trying to tidy it up. It was the only chaos in my life that I felt I could keep under control.
“Yeah, but you know you have something going on with that Band Fellah,” he said pointedly. He knew his name was Conner, but he refused to say it. He still claimed he was jealous of him, even though he had a girlfriend himself, a girl we both had known since middle school.
“Nothing is happening with the Band Fellah,” I said, disgruntled. The reminding sting of longing coursed through me as the subject came up. “He’s single now and doesn’t appear to be interested.”
I took this displeasing information out on my clothes, thrusting them into my hamper with unnecessary aggression.
The room now tidy, I walked over to my denim blue futon, which I had made up into a couch, and sat down, criss-crossing my legs as I leaned back. I was hoping that cleaning my room would help me clear my mind, but I still felt like my thoughts were jumbled up in there.
“Just because things aren’t happening at the pace you’d like doesn’t mean he isn’t interested,” he told me. I knew he was right, but I didn’t want to admit it to him. He wouldn’t let me forget it if I did. And I was tired. I had a lot of schoolwork to do.
“Ughhh,” I moaned, making my stress known to the room. “I have to go. I have a lot of stuff to do.”
“Okay,” he agreed. “Love you.”
“You, too.” I tossed the phone to the side, took a breath, then went to grab my messenger bag.
One night, everything 180-ed.
Listen to this chapter’s companion episode:
Conner was at a show and hanging out with us off and on throughout the night. Mike was there, and true to his smoky word, he saw me, so he came to talk to me. Although I wasn’t as interested in Mike—I wasn’t the type of girl who was turned on by college guys and didn’t think it was incredibly sexy or exciting to date someone that much older—I did welcome the attention. Besides, Mike was hot, an Asian guy with short, black, spiky hair. His eyes were brown but strangely bright, and he had freckles that dotted his face across his nose and cheekbones, something I found incredibly becoming. I may not have been willing to date someone outside of my high school bubble, but I was open to the distraction.
“Hi again,” Mike said, walking over to me. Conner and I were parked next to each other once more in the small gravel lot. I was leaning against the rear driver's side of my car, and Conner against the trunk of his. We hadn’t been talking, so when Mike walked in between us, I didn’t think anything about it. Seeing what was happening, my friends stepped away from my car to give Mike and I some space, though I would rather them have stayed. Knowing how clumsily I navigated conversations with the opposite sex, I liked to have them there as a buffer. They didn’t wander far, though, still wanting to keep a safe distance, not completely leaving me alone with an older guy we didn’t know well.
“Hi,” I returned, smiling shyly and looking up at him timidly through my lashes.
“So, are you still single?” Mike asked, still separating Conner from me, his hands resting in the pockets of his black jacket. I reflexively looked over at Conner, so quickly that Mike didn’t notice. Conner appeared completely oblivious to my change in company as he chatted animatedly with someone else.
“Yes,” I responded with a laugh that was condescending only to me. “I haven’t had a boyfriend in years.”
Mike looked a little surprised. “Really? All the guys in high school must be idiots.” I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks, but also a little twitch in my stomach. That was a really sweet thing to say.
“I don’t know that the guys are the problem,” I confided. My arms were crossed over my black screen T-shirt, layered over a white long-sleeve cotton shirt. I had left my jacket in the car, but I wasn’t so much cold as nervous.
“Looking at you, they definitely have to be the problem,” he said, studying the shape of my face.
Holy shit. That was a really good line.
It was so good that if our conversation had carried on, I would have considered dating this older guy despite my previous lack of interest. But—as usual—we were interrupted.
“Hey Mike, you comin’?” one of his friends called over.
Mike looked over his shoulder. “Yeah, one sec.”
He turned back to me and smiled. “I have to go,” he said. “But I’ll see you next time,” and he reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear.
Ohhhhhh my gooddddd!
I looked up at him through my lashes again.
“Okay,” I responded, not having the wit to say anything more.
“I’m counting on those guys to still be idiots the next time I see you,” he smiled. He let his eyes shine into mine for one last second before he turned completely, walking away and climbing into the truck with his friends and driving off. I watched him the entire time; he never looked back.
I stayed there, arms still crossed, trying to calm the flutters that were dancing around in my chest as I studied the toes of my gray Converse sneakers that were peeking out from underneath my jeans. I expected my friends to come back up to me and gush about what just happened; I knew they had been watching the entire time. But their voices weren’t the ones that hit my ears next. It was Conner’s.
“Was that the guy who hit on you last time?” he asked. He had leaned against my car next to me. The fluttering in my chest returned with a new wave, completely taken off guard by Conner’s sudden proximity, our arms brushing each other’s in the cool night.
“Yeah,” I said, looking down at the gravel. For some reason, I couldn’t meet Conner’s gaze. “His name is Mike.”
“It looks like he’s still interested,” Conner said conversationally.
What is his deal? He says things like he cares, but he acts like he doesn’t.
“I guess,” I replied. “He asked me if I was still single,” I told him, finally looking up at him.
“How can we make it so that the next time he asks you, the answer is, ‘No?’”
📝 Journal Prompts for “The Hook”
🎼 Playlist for “The Hook”
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